Sunday, February 12

CHENEY SHOOTS A LAWYER (SENATOR LEAHY IN HIDING)

George Herbert Walker Bush -- alias Bush '41 -- was credited with bagging a Quayle in 1988 and, despite his protestations to the contrary, lived to regret it. The national press was unmerciful, as was Lloyd Bentsen. Quayle was shot full of holes in the ensuing presidential campaign and became a caricature.

Bush 41's son, George Walker Bush (alias Bush '43), ever the wiser, did his damnest in 1999 not to repeat his father's mistake in judgement, so there would be no such regrets bird-dogging him during his own tenure in the White House. Ironically, his choice, Vice President Dick Cheney, belatedly went for quail here in southern Texas yesterday and instead shot a man full of holes. And a lawyer no less! (No wonder he and the president are all for litigation reform).

One suspects once Leno and Letterman begin lampooning The Veep come Monday night that in short order a veritable covey of political cartoonists will emerge from their cover and do to Dick Cheney and shotguns what Dutch cartoonists did to the Prophet Mohammed and bombs. It won't be pretty.

Expect America's skeet and trap shooters to take to the streets, particularly those with first names like Ammar and Hashim.

Cheney, meanwhile, will no doubt be placed in a secure location (as will Senator Patrick Leahy!) and his shotgun sent to the Smithsonian.