Friday, March 11


A Florida legislator, Senator Al Lawson -- a Democrat, naturally -- has proposed new tax legislation in his home state to deal with wastewater treatment costs that have skyrocketed, particularly in Florida's fast-growing Panhandle communities. Senator Lawson's brilliant idea is for the state to assess a 2 cents/roll tax on toilet paper! Florida republicans have scoffed at the idea and threatened to tank it in committee, but tax-and-spend Lawson is flush with pride over what he regards to be his thoroughly innovative approach to squeezing more from his district's taxpayers. Were this bill to pass, however, retail sales of toilet paper would undoubtedly go down the toilet in Florida, as tax-wary consumers would undoubtedly turn to other alternatives, such as Kleenex, paper towel, paper napkins, handy wipes, shop towels, and, in emergency situations, old T-shirts. Corn futures might even soar with the return of a certain historic utility for the corncob. All manner of ramifications could occur, including the advent of the Sam's Club "megaroll" that could not fit in the standard toilet paper dispenser and would have to be brought into the house with a two-wheel dolly.

Should Lawson plunge ahead and prevail, his taxation on the toilet habits of Floridians could lead eventually to the imposition of other forms of taxation, such as on "stub-roll waste" (disposing of a toilet paper roll before all sheets have been used -- already a misdemeanor in some Blue States) or on so-called economy packs. One could even forsee surcharges for two-ply versus one-ply tissue or for other than plain white toilet paper; or, God forbid, a tax on "pretentiousness" for the use of patterned, decorative paper. Indeed, there could even be severe fines for failing to put the standard-size roll in the dispenser properly (guess which way over-the-top Democrats want it installed?) or for leaving the seat up after using the bathroom (the so-called "Mom tax").

Trust me, once Big Government enters the commode, the last vestige of human freedom will have been lost. I think Senator Lawson's proposal stinks to high heaven and somebody ought to T.P. his house!